How Long Must I Wait? Knowing When It’s Time to Schedule Your Reading

When I left my dad just a few days before, there was a piece of my heart that knew he was finally ready to go.

As I sat in meditation on the dock overlooking the river at my mom’s house, everything felt so peaceful. I welcomed the warmth of my pup’s soft fur as she sat pressed against me. Ophelia, my two and a half year old Boykin Spaniel, always likes to be as close as possible when I’m in meditation. Sometimes, as I sit with my legs crossed she curls up like a ball in my lap, and other times, she just gets as close as possible and stares at me, as if she can see and feel the energy changing around me.

Sitting next to the river, I could hear the breeze as it grabbed the top layer of the water, pushing it back to create a rippling sound. The conversations of ducks chatting amongst themselves filled my ears with a sense of calm. They were probably warning Ophelia to stay put on the dock and not interrupt their morning swim, but I tried not to interpret what they were saying and just notice the sounds and feelings I was experiencing. I must admit, my mind did wander a bit. It was three years prior, right in front of this very dock, my 15-year-old dog and constant companion, Copper, had responded to my pleas for a sign to know she was ready to go. We were kayaking, as we did nearly every morning while spending our summers in Northern New York. Intuitively, I knew it was time to let her go, but I needed to hear it from her, so as I choked back my tears, I begged her to give me a sign. Within moments, we were surrounded by dragonflies. I had never seen so many at once, but I instantly knew it was the sign I had been asking for. That evening, as my daughter and I laid on the floor holding our beautiful, old girl, she let go of the pain and peacefully left her physical body. While it was a relief to know she was no longer hurting, my pain was more immense than I could have ever imagined.

Now, as Ophelia and I sat on the dock, I expected to complete my offering of gratitude to the Universe and open my eyes to find dragonflies swarming around me, but it didn’t happen. Not a single dragonfly. As I sat with my legs crossed, I rotated my torso from side-to-side, checking to see if there were any around me or behind me. “Where are they?” I wondered. “Where is Copper? Why isn’t she here?” “Ophelia, do you feel her?” (Yes, I do talk my dogs as if they are human.) Ophelia looked at me as if to concur Copper was being suspiciously quiet, and with a bit a disappointment, we headed back up the hill to my mother’s house to start getting ready for a day of readings.

As soon as I walked into the house, my phone rang. I picked it up and heard my sister’s voice trembling as she said my name, “Carol?”

I knew something was wrong. My nephew had just left for basic training in Parris Island, so for a moment I thought maybe he had gone AWOL. Or maybe something had happened as she was finishing up her DIY projects to prepare for the sale of her house. Maybe she had fallen off a ladder while painting the trim on the second floor windows. I told her to get someone else to do that! It’s crazy how many thoughts can rip through your head in just a matter of moments, but it felt like an eternity between her saying my name and finally divulging the reason for her call. “Dad just died.”

“What? How could that be?” I mean, he had been sick for a while and when I left him just a few days before, there was a piece of my heart that knew he was finally ready to let go, but I had just been sitting in meditation and didn’t feel a thing. He didn’t come through and tell me good bye; I hadn’t had a gut feeling something had happened. Nothing! I hadn’t been given any indication during my meditation my dad had crossed, and when I got off the phone with my sister that morning, I demanded some answers. “Dad, where are you? Why didn’t you come to me and tell me you had moved on?”

I knew it had nothing to do with his spirit needing time to be able to communicate. Other people’s loved ones have connected to me within moments of their passing. When I was in my twenties, my sister’s best friend’s mom passed away, and while I had never met her, as she transitioned to the spirit side she connected with me and asked me to tell her daughter she said “good bye”. And when my brother-in-law’s mother passed, she connected with me (at his request) right away to let me know her wishes for her family.
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My point is, there is not a time frame a soul must wait in order to connect with a loved one or a medium.

That connection can be made as soon as the transition to the spirit side happens – and sometimes before. If a person is in a coma, has dementia or Alzheimers or is even in a drug-induced state of unconsciousness, their soul can connect and communicate. So, the question isn’t really how long does the spirit need to be able to make that connection, the real question is how long do we, the loved one in the physical world experiencing the grief of the loss, need to prepare for that connection? I believe our passed loved ones know when we are ready. They recognize when we are in a place of grief we must move through before optimal healing can come from speaking to them, and that place is different for all of us. So for some, we may be ready to connect to our loved ones within days or weeks after they pass, but for others, we may need more time. Luckily for us, those in the spirit realm have an amazing intelligence; they know what we want is not always the same as what we need, and they will only do what’s best for us.

I know this is why my dad waited almost two months to connect with me. He was giving me the time I needed to process his passing. I have to admit, as a medium I thought I’d be able to move through grief like a pro (whatever that means), but his death was a stark reminder we grieve every loss differently, and each person has their own roadmap for grief. Sure, he left little signs here and there in the first few months, but I think he knew I wasn’t ready for a full-on face-to-face. I kept wondering, “Dad, are you ever going to reach out to me?” Even in my practice sessions with some really amazing mediums, he didn’t come through. Then, one morning while I sat in meditation, he suddenly appeared. He was laughing and held his hand out to me. I was so overwhelmed with the joy of seeing him, I burst into tears and asked the question I already knew the answer to, “Dad, are you alright?” He laughed a little more and with his big smile, he responded, “I’m more than alright,” and as quickly as he appeared, he was gone. I’ve seen him a couple of times since, and each time he has a smile a mile wide. While he used to fake that smile so we couldn’t see his pain, it gives me such peace to know it’s now a real smile, filled with happiness.

So when clients contact me wondering how long they’ll need to wait before their loved one can make the connection, my answer is this. “Your loved one can connect from the moment they pass. They don’t need to “graduate” to a higher level; they’re not stuck and waiting for assistance to move to another realm; they don’t need to go to “the light” and then come back. They’ve simply stepped out of their physical body, allowing them to be part of a higher vibration, and it happens quicker than a moment in time. And with this higher vibration and expansive love, they’ll be ready to connect with us when they know we are ready. Some mediums recommend you wait six months or a year to allow for your grieving, and you can follow that rule of thumb if it feels right to you, but I say follow your intuition; your gut feeling. You’ll know. Maybe it will be a few weeks; maybe it will be a few months or maybe it will be a few years, but no matter how long you need, your passed loved one will be with you from day one, and if you pay attention, you’ll notice the signs they are there.